As I have mentioned in previous posts, I randomly select which quote/prompt I choose for each entry. This entry has specifically been one of the most impactful since I have started this journey. As much as I didn’t want to look at my procrastination problem, I knew I needed to address it.
I’m not sure who wrote this quote, but whoever you are: Thank you.
“Save the excuses; it’s not about ‘having’ the time. It’s about making the time. If it matters, you will make the time.” -unknown
Excuses are stupid. An excuse is like the cocaine that you didn’t know that you brought to the pity party, until you were already justifying why you needed to stay. Excuses trick me into thinking that I am comfy where I am at, and don’t need to change. Excuses seem to rule my life. However, I have begun to practice willingness when my friends call me out on my own bull nanny. This dose of humility has shown me how many excuses I use to stay sick. My automatic response is to justify why I’m right or why what I did was OK. I guess I never realized how big my ego was until it towered over me like the bully in gym class that I decided to stand up to one day.
In my life, ego and perfectionism go hand in hand. I have thoroughly convinced myself (falsely of course!) that everything I do is done perfectly or with the perfect/purest intention. So when I’m offensive to people or thinking irrationally, my ego kicks in making excuses for why I did what I did and why it was justified. An old, wise coworker once told me that this is “The fight to be right.” Thanks Hector, you killed my ego.
I usually start making excuses when I already know I’m being ridiculous, I just don’t want to admit it, or I’m scared, or putting myself down in some way. For me, it all goes back to that fear of failure that I have already discussed. I make excuses because I’m afraid of failing, being wrong, or showing my imperfection. In reality, I just need to ‘grow a pair,’ get out of my own way and go live life. No excuses. I need to stop telling myself the lies I have already admitted to being false.
Today’s Follow Up and Reflection:
Looking back on what I wrote back in April, I have come to realize how much I have grown in this area. For the most part, I have not let fear and excuses run my life as much as they used to. I’m pretty damn good at making time for things that matter to me in life. I also say this with evidence to support it. 2015 has been one of the busiest years of my life. I’ve gone home to Colorado twice, been to Chicago, and been in a wedding. In the midst of all this, I managed work, a relationship, and a death in the family.
All of these things were important to me. I made it work, with no excuses. There were times when I was so exhausted that I could barely journal, but it was worth everything that I put into it. I got to see my baby cousin get married. I also got to see my best friend marry her soul mate. I was blessed to be part of another best friend’s wedding. I was fortunate enough to be able to return home for my stepmother’s funeral service. I fell in love. I rescued a dog. I did A LOT of personal work, self growth and healing. I did all of this while still wrestling with my depression, anxiety, and grief. I don’t normally ‘toot my own horn,’ but I know that if I can manage all of this, I know what else I am capable of: great things.
So, my friends, I have a challenge for you today:
In what areas of your life are you making excuses? What are you afraid of? What are you justifying? And what are you missing out on because of your excuses?